Return to Horror High (1987)

_**Fun low-budget high school slasher parody with not enough laughs**_ Cops (e.g. Pepper Martin & Maureen McCormick) arrive upon the bloody aftermath of a massacre at a high school where a film is being made. The story switches back to tell how the massacre happened. The cast includes Lori Lethin, Brendan Hughes, Alex Rocco, Andy Romano and Scott Jacoby. “Return to Horror High” (1987) is a fun slasher parody with great mid-80’s ambiance (styles, mullets, etc.) that should be enjoyed by those involved in horror filmmaking (since the story focuses on the making of a slasher at the high school). A young George Clooney shows up for about 10-12 minutes in the first act. Meanwhile cutie Lori Lethin does well in three roles. Unfortunately, there aren’t enough laughs and some of them are really lame. Plus the film bogs down in the second half with filler material involving the two main characters and their search of the school (Brendan Hughes & Lori Lethin). The third-rate vibe doesn’t help. Still, it’s amusing mindless mid-80’s satire. The movie runs 1 hour, 35 minutes, and was shot at Clark Magnet High School, La Crescenta, California. GRADE: C-

Mega-whoopty-doo-star George Clooney is the first victim in this slasher/comedy wannabe. He is also the luckiest, since he does not have to endure the rest of the film. Five years after murders rock a high school, film makers return to shoot a film based on that event. Members of the cast and crew begin disappearing, indicating a killer is still lurking in the halls of Crippen High. The killer did not do enough slashing, he should have had a stab at this script. The characters have been done before- the director is all artistic frenzy, the producer is a sleazy scumbag, the screenwriter is ignored, and the actors are shallow. At one point, an actor playing a corpse with a hatchet in his face asks "what is my motivation?," as if that joke has not been done a thousand times before. The heroes are a local cop and his cute actress girlfriend, who begin wandering around the set and writing down lists of names of the crew who have a connection to the high school. This plays like rejected scenes from "Harriet the Spy," as they happen on a conversation, whip out a notebook, and nod and write. In the end, they do not even solve the murders, the killer is revealed a la "Scooby-Doo." Other familiar faces here are Vince Edwards, who proves he will appear in anything for a paycheck, and Maureen McCormick, TV's Marcia Brady, who has an odd role as an oversexed police woman. Clooney does disappear early, but the look on his face tells you he has to do this silliness to fill a resume. The film makers constantly try to trick the viewer with "are you watching the film or the real thing?" scenes that get old after a while. The ending is insipid, makes no sense, and the sequel everyone promises then never was made. "Return to Horror High" should be held after class and put into detention. Skip it.