2012: Supernova (2009)

Wait, whoa, hold up...you mean this ISN'T a sequel to the John Cusack cheese-fest "2012?" Are you sure? Yes, because this monstrosity makes the original "2012" look like "Citizen Kane." Kelvin (the used-to-be talented Brian Krause) is the head of a team that looks to launch nuclear missiles into outer space to dissipate a giant supernova headed in Earth's direction. His wife (Heather McComb) and daughter (Najarra Townsend) run around in the desert, avoiding badly rendered computer animated special effects, as well as a supporting cast of dozens. Yup, that's the plot. The planet is on a collision course with a supernova, a few people get upset, the scientist characters bandy about terms like "magnetic shield" and "nuclear," do a lot of "recalculating" and "running simulations" on their computers...there's a ninja, I guess, who wants to stop this planet saving effort...a couple of Iranians are thrown in for good measure...ugh. The film was released by The Asylum, who would release terrible straight-to-video nightmares with titles that sounded vaguely like contemporary blockbusters in the theater. Have you been unlucky enough to see "Sinister Squad," "Independents' Day," "AVH: Alien vs. Hunter," or "Transmorphers?" Good, I wouldn't wish that on a Clinton. It's sad that a company has such low regard for their product (and audience) that they try to trick them into watching their rip-off film, instead of trying something original that would stand out in a crowded video and streaming landscape. The direction is terrible, the budget was about eight bucks, and all the performers look properly embarrassed. No one even tries to do a good job, I hope their paychecks were worth it. "2012: Supernova" is one of the worst films I have ever seen. I hope that's blunt enough for you. (1/2*) out of five stars. This is unrated and contains physical violence, mild gun violence, some profanity, mild sexual references, some adult situations, alcohol and tobacco use